Being a Fictional Character Isn't as Easy as it Seems
by The Evil Ninja
Summary: First Gintama fic. Well I don't know what the main story line is, we'll all find out later. Basically, it's sort of like any Gintama chapter/episode. Rated T for language and some violence later. No main genre or anything. Please R


**Hi, everyone! This fanfic**__**is my first Gintama fic, but I think it'd at least be better than my first one with Bleach (which I will try to updade as soon as I get an idea) I published this story to honor Gintama, since it has ended with that 2nd movie (which was an awesome film). Well, the story itself doesn't have to do with the movie, but whatever. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. Sorachi Hideaki does.**

**Chapter one: Being A Fictional Character Isn't As Easy As It Seems**

It was a nice morning for the Yorozuya trio. Well, technically Shinpachi was the only one there that was awake, but there was no sleep-talking, sleep-punching, sleep-kicking or sleep-eating, so he considered it nice.

Shinpachi sighed. "If only this peace and quiet would last."

Right as he said that, Kagura bounded out of her closet and into the living room with Sadaharu trailing right behind her, leaving crushed floor in their wake. Sadaharu ran into Gintoki's room, while Kagura headed towards the fridge. The boy with the glasses sighed again.

"Gin-chan! We're all out of everything! Even my sukonbu's gone-aru," yelled Kagura.

"Shut up!" Gin said, emerging from his room. There was a large red paw mark across his face, where evidently Sadaharu had stepped on him. "It's not my fault we've had no customers lately! You're not the only one here that's starving!"

"It is too your fault! You never go and try to get a job, you good-for-nothing perm-head!"

"At least you won't have sukonbu-smelling breath now that it's gone, Miss Mountain Gorilla!"

"Shut up! At least _I _could make a living before I came here, unlike you-aru!"

"No one ever asked you to join! Besides, you call eating chazuke every day a making a living?"

"Well now that I look back, it sure seems like it because our fridge is as empty as your head!"

"Why, you little-"

"Enough of this!" Shinpachi suddenly stood up. "Don't you think that our viewers are bored of the same pattern over and over again? I mean, think about it, guys. How many times in this anime/manga were we fighting over stupid things like this?"

Gintoki and Kagura were silent for awhile. "Well, we never actually fought for a reason like this, but Patsuan actually brings up a good point," said the silver-haired samurai.

"There!" exclaimed Shinpachi, "do you realize how many times you've used that nickname, too?"

"Hmmm...I can't count to that high a number."

"Does mean we have to change our personalities-aru?" Kagura asked.

"No, Kagura-chan, but we can tweak them a little," said glasses.

"So what if Kagura went out with Souichirou-kun? A lot of people seem to like that iphfff-"

"No way in hell would I do that-aru!" Kagura shouted as she kicked Gintoki in the face, cheeks slightly tinted pink.

"Sougo-desu." The captain of Shinsengumi First Division, Devil Vice-Commander, and Chief seemed to appear out of nowhere. "Hey China," Sougo continued, "mind explaining what you guys are doing? You're being a bother to all people around you, so please shut up."

Kagura, still steamed about what happened moments ago, did not seem to hear him, for there literally was steam coming out of her ears. When he repeated the question, Kagura turned around to hide her face. "W-w-why don't you shut up and mind your own business?"

"You're under arrest for hurting a policeman's feeling," Sougo said in his usual monotonous voice.

"AAUUGH! I'm already pissed off right now, and you're making it worse-aru! Prepare to die!" The vermillion-haired girl lost her blush, jumped up and charged at the young officer with her umbrella, and soon they were in their own world, fighting away.

Hijikata approached them. "So what's all the noise about?" he asked, taking out a cigarette and his mayonnaise-shaped lighter.

"Well, we started off fighting about how hungry we were, then that changed into how poor we were, and then Shinpachi said we were repeating the same patterns over and over again and how our viewers might be getting bored..so you can blame it all on Pachi-boy."

"Hey, who are you calling Pachi-boy!?"

"And please, you've gotta stop being the straight man in this show," Kagura said as she dodged a missile. "It drives me crazy-aru! At least be a little like you were in that second movie, where-"

"Ahhhh! No, Kagura-chan, there might be people out there who haven't seen the movie yet!"

"Hey, but she's right about that straight man part. Why don't you drop the role and become a pair of normal glasses," Sougo said.

"My existence is NOT just a pair of glasses!" Shinpachi yelled.

"And while you're at it, go die along with Hijikata. I'll get you started."

BOOM

"Okita, you bastarddddddd..." Hijikata and Shinpachi's voices faded as they disappeared from view.

"Uhh, Sougo?" Kondo asked, "exactly how far did you blast them?"

"Not too far...Antarctica."

"Tch," Kagura spat, "shoulda blasted them off to the moon..."

"Where there's no atmosphere..."

"Or mayonnaise..." (There's no mayo in Antarctica either...)

"Where they will slowly trudge their way to Hell..."

"And be tortured for the rest of eternity."

Kagura and Sougo started to smirk, then their smirks turned to chuckles, and then their chuckles turned into laughter, and then their laughter turned into-

"Stop, stop it!" Kondo exclaimed.

"What has your Souichiro done to our innocent Kagura? (Sougo: "Sougo-desu.") He's turning her into Princess Sadist from Planet Sadistic!"

"Wait, Gintoki, look on the bright side. This could mean that we won't have to look after them any longer, and they can leave to rule Planet Sadistic together!"

"Oh yeah, come to think of it, we had to go through a lot to get that daughter of Matsudaira's to split with Toshi. I don't want to go through all that pain any longer...they make a nice couple anyways, don't ya think?"

"And we won't have the worries of getting killed by those two if they leave..."

"Yeah, good point. Say, Gorilla (Kondo: Why bother? It's useless), why don't we go have some sake to celebrate?"

"Great idea! Tonight's on me."

"Hey, where do you think you guys are going-aru?" Kagura growled as the two turned to leave. "You're planning on leaving me with _him_ because you're too lazy?"

"Yeah, Kondo-san, Danna. I want a drink, too, you can't just leave me here with China. I've noticed that you chained us together (Gintoki: It woulda saved us a lot of time to do that instead of leaving you two to deal with things). I am not going to-hey, get back here!"

"Heh, it's gonna make them slower if they're chained up like that," Gintoki told Kondo as they were running out of the Yorozuya.

"You have a brilliant mind, Gintoki. Why don't you use it more often?"

"You don't exactly need a mind to be the main ch-" The rest of his words were muffled over the loud explosion that jumped up in front of them.

"Eh?"

"Just because we're chained together doesn't mean we're completely helpless. You shoulda used your 'brilliant' mind a bit more and taken away our weapons-aru."

"I thought you were better than that, Kondo-san. "

"AHH! DEMONS!" Both men screamed as Kagura and Sougo stepped out of the flames.

"Please, don't kill me," Gintoki trembled, "I haven't gotten to eat a parfait all week. At least wait until I've eaten my parfait and marry Ketsuno-ana!"

"N-n-no, don't come any closer than th-that," Kondo said, "I haven't gotten to marry Otae-san! At least wait until I can approach her without getting killed!"

"Hey, there's a way out of the fire!" Gintoki exclaimed. "It's over there. NOW RUN!"

SMASH

"Oi, Gintoki, you should have warned me that there was a mayonnaise bottle and a pair of glasses here," said Kondo as he sat up, rubbing his nose.

"I didn't see them! How could we trip over something so small, anyways? Let's go before they catch up."

As Gintoki and Kondo tried to stand up, they were pulled to the ground again.

"Geez, I didn't know that there was so much gravity on Earth. Maybe I gained weight from all those parfaits..."

"YOU IDIOTS! WHY DID WE START OFF AS A MAYONNAISE BOTTLE AND GLASSES, AND END UP AS NOT EVEN EXISTING!?"

The two men found Hijikata and Shinpachi clinging onto their legs. "Bastards, we're not letting you escape," Hijikata said. "You're all going to suffer the same fate we did, except this time,

we're seriously going to Hell."

"Oh, perm-head, Gori-kun~" Okita sang out, "where are you?"

"We're going to get you-aru~"

'No...NOOOOOO"

**So how was that first chapter? I know, not the best you've read (Shinpachi: not to mention how off-topic the story got from my original idea), but I'll improve! Please R&R if you want me to continue and get better!**

**P.S. What's going to happen to the gang as they step foot into Hell? Find out in the next chapter! (Don't you always have the urge to put this P.S. at the end of a letter?)**

**Thank you, Sakamoto!**


End file.
